Taking a Break from EGL + What I've Been Wearing

 So, I have a confession: I haven't worn lolita in over a month. The past few years, I've worn lolita at least twice a week (if not more). It felt so exciting to finally be able to wear the fashion regularly as an adult! 

And then my now-husband got a concussion. 

My husband did indy pro wrestling as a hobby, and he had his first big cage match in July (12 days before our wedding). We both knew there was a risk associated with wrestling, but up until then, he'd never had an accident. 

My best friend and I got dressed up to see our partners wrestle. I coorded my new BtSSB torchon lace socks with some vintage platforms and Dir En Grey bag, and I felt adorable. We even got to check out the new PopMart in our mall! 

 During his match, my husband took a move wrong, got a concussion, and stopped breathing for a minute. When he came to, he couldn't remember who the President was, if we'd been married yet, or what he did that morning. We rushed to the hospital, and sitting in the ER waiting room in my coord, I just felt like an idiot. I was terrified, nauseous, and my petticoat waistband was cutting into my stomach. 

My husband has made a full recovery (and is taking a possibly permanent break from wrestling), but I haven't really felt inspired to wear lolita since then. It's very bittersweet for me; I've been obsessed with EGL for over a decade, and have always felt beautiful and happy when I wear it. Below are some photos of 11-14 year old me wearing some very hodgepodge coords; I was lucky enough to have a supportive family, access to eBay, and a family friend that lived near BtSSB San Francisco. 

When I say lolita has been a lifelong love and interest, I truly mean it, which is why it's really hard for me to suddenly not feel that passion and spark. I'm really hoping it's just a phase that will pass; I still love looking at my wardrobe, making coords and flatlays, and keeping up with brands. I've just had no desire to put a coord on. 

I do, however, have a backlog of coords from the past few months, so I'll go ahead and drop those below. 

I wore this to get dinner and celebrate my 25th birthday. Everything is Moitie save for the blouse, which is Meta. 

This was a casual coord for crafting in the park with my friend! JSK is Cornet, blouse is Meta, socks and necklace are VW, headpiece is Marble, shoes are Docs and watch is Moitie. 

A coord for my best friend's bday brunch. Blouse is Excentrique, bustier is IW, skirt is handmade, jabot is Sheglit, canotier is AtePie, gloves are Moitie, socks are Meta, shoes are Yosuke and bag is Jean Paul Gaultier. 

A coord for a butterfly show date with my husband! It also matched my Blind Guardian LP. OP is Kuno:Noku, arm warmers and canotier are AtePie, jewelry is Moitie and Etsy. 

This is probably my favorite coord of the year. Everything is Moitie save for the AtePie blouse, offbrand tights and Yosuke shoes. I got a half-wig that matches my hair so I can play with length, and I love it! 

Now, for the fun part: if I haven't been wearing lolita, what HAVE I been wearing? 

I've always had a hard time defining and finding my personal style, and while I don't want to intellectualize every part of my life, I think a big part of that comes from my very categorical, compartmentalized way of thinking. I tend to go very hard into one specific thing, and then I inevitably feel constricted and move on to my next source of inspiration. It's taken me a long time to be able to tell my brain that it's actually ok to combine different categories of things, and I think that's when I was able to find my actual "personal style." Though who knows, this could just be another phase of experimentation! 

I like EGL because it's so rigid and rules-based, but I've also enjoyed experimenting with other Japanese-fashion inspiration. One of my friends described these outfits as "shoujo manga protag going to a visual kei show," which is basically all I could ever hope to be. 

I've noticed a big benefit of not wearing lolita is that I feel better about my body. As much as I love the fashion, most Japanese brands having a one size fits all policy isn't great for body image. I fit most brands, provided the piece has shirring of some kind (weirdly, Marble is the only brand that I can fit without shirring, no idea what's going on there) but I'm a Western mid-size with kind of chubby upper arms, so sometimes putting on a blouse and almost hulking out of it is a fact of life. It's nice to not feel restricted or sucked in by my clothes, and to even let my stomach see daylight from time to time haha. It's kind of a relief to get some perspective and realize that even if I feel like a massive monster trying to squeeze into a BtSSB blouse, my body is perfectly normal outside of EGL. 

I still love Japanese fashion in general, but I'm buying a lot more from Axes Femme, Hysteric Glamour, Deorart and Ozz On lately. I don't think I'll ever be fully done with lolita, but I might downsize and list a few things on LaceMarket in the coming months. I don't want to make any snap decisions based on a small slump, but if I decide to wear lolita less overall, I'll probably just keep my Moitie and velvet BtSSB pieces. No sense in letting beautiful clothes sit and collect dust! 

That was a long, rambling post, but I think that's all for now! Thank you for reading my thoughts and feelings, it's always appreciated.