Outfit: Cemetery Snails + Ribbon Milky Sugar

 Not an exaggeration, there were indeed snails in the cemetery! Our local massive cemetery is also an arboretum (and I believe a state park), with a few large ponds. As we were taking photos, my wonderful naturalist friend spotted some snails, and directed me as I scurried over to grab them. 

We hiked around the cemetery for around two hours (a true feat in platforms) and took photos at some of the stunning mausoleums. This one actually had windows that looked in on a MASSIVE family crest stained glass window on the inside! 

Coord Rundown: 

Cutsew, JSK: Baby, The Stars Shine Bright 

Capelet: Emily Temple Cute 

Socks, soft bonnet: Metamorphose temps de Fille 

Boots: Angelic Imprint 

Jewelry: Malice Mizer merch, Moitie, offbrand 

This was my first time wearing Ribbon Milky Sugar! My fiancé and I had a friend who recently went to Japan, and he asked if I wanted him to bring anything back for me. I thought it was a long shot, since the Baby Classical Series was released in January of this year, but said if he spotted this dress in black x white to call me immediately and I'd PayPal him the funds. Lo and behold, I was awoken at 5 AM by a phone call saying the dress had been found! I got to avoid taxes and shipping duties, so it was a steal compared to resale or US prices. 

It is SUCH a comfortable piece; not only is it fully shirred, but there's even shirring under the armpits? I've never encountered that in a dress, but it does WONDERS for fit around the bust and lateral muscle/bicep areas. I'm a strange in-between size, espeically for EGL; I am a straight-size US medium with a smaller bust and large hips, and I also lift weights. I typically fit unshirred Cornet, partially shirred Baby, and size 9 Moitie very well, but the bicep and armpit area can be a problem for me. All to say, Ribbon Milky Sugar fixed that problem in a way I would never have thought of!

We left the cemetery and headed to the small business district nearby to have some coffee/pastries and chat. I ran into one of my favorite professors from college, as well as a good friend from high school. It was so nice to see them both! Before splitting up we stopped in to my favorite local record store, as well as a new oddities shop that popped up. 

In all honesty, I've always had a little bit of trouble making a maintaining friendships. The past few years, however, I feel like I've definitely met my people! How spoiled am I to have friends who will drive an hour just to hang out? 

I did hot yoga with my bestie yesterday, and after walking in platforms after that, my legs are thoroughly sore. I'll round out this post with the loveliest photo of swans that we snapped on the cemetery bridge! They mate for life, and I get the feeling these two are a happy couple. That's all for this beautiful Sunday! 

Visual Va-kei-tion: Seeing JILUKA Live in Chicago 11-05-2024

 I came so, so close to not attending this show. My friend Sierra introduced me to Jiluka (because I'm an old guard visual kei fan who doesn't keep up with the newer bands) and bought tickets as soon as they went on sale, managing to snag a VIP package. I was busy with work that week, and I assumed (incorrectly) that I wouldn't be able to take time off. So, I wrote the show off.

But, oh boy, I did NOT stop thinking about it.

I'm a risk-averse person by nature. I've become more social as life has worn on, but I'm not someone who has ever, say, taken a spontaneous road trip to see a concert. At age 24, I felt like it was probably time I take a fun, harmless risk. I've been listening to visual kei music since age nine, and I was going to turn down a chance to see a new VK band on their big U.S. tour? What would my younger self think of me?!

Though VIP was sold out, I acquired a $20 GA ticket to Reggie's Rock Club no problem. I wasn't the world's biggest Jiluka fan (though this concert absolutely changed that), so I was fine going without the VIP. But I'm absolutely getting it next time I see them!

We bumbled our way through booking a hotel and making some rough plans (and really, it still shocks me that I'm old enough to book a hotel and pay for it with my own money), and approximately $90 later, I had my ticket in my inbox and our hotel room secured. Being an adult is wild! 

We drove my little road warrior Honda to Chicago, and checked in to a hotel that... was maybe the weirdest part of the whole trip. If you're ever in Chicago and want to feel like you're a protagonist in House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski, you'll love the Skokie Hilton location. If you like clean pillows, the ability to quickly and easily find your room, and not being awoken by old men yelling at each other, maybe avoid it. I'm convinced the place was a panopticon-style prison before it was a hotel. 

The show won me over as a Jiluka fan, and specifically a Ricko/Zyean fan. I'm incredibly contrarian, and though Boogie and Sena are wonderful instrumentalists and performers, it makes me mad that vocals and drums don't get any love! I managed to catch up with Sierra when GA was allowed to answer, and we ended up just two people from the stage. Reggie's Rock Club is a tiny venue, so we were right up close and personal! We also took some photos outside of the venue; it was drizzling, so my lens was blurred, but I actually love how it looks.

I wore my new-to-me 90's/2000's Putumayo camisole, I love their unhinged edgy screenprints. My headpiece is Marble (and came off immediately when I started headbanging), choker is Vivienne Westwood, everything else thrifted or handmade.

I think I was maybe one of the oldest people there, which should give you an idea of how young the fanbase is. I noticed a pretty drastic difference in concert etiquette from the bands I've seen with older fanbases; lots of phones out and recording the entire concert, lots of elbowing and blocking people without paying attention, and nobody knew how to start a circle pit when the band motioned for one. Taking a short photo/video or two is perfectly understandable, you want to remember the moment! But it was to the point that people were watching the show through a phone. I think I'm officially getting to the "annoyed with teenagers" age, and it disturbs me that it's starting when I'm still in my mid-20's haha. 

Jiluka were truly incredible to see live, they had such great stage costumes and energy! I didn't take any photos or videos of my own, but here's my favorite photo I was sent: Ricko, wearing his own band shirt post-encore, looking tired and disappointed in everything and everyone. He has a good amount of devious middle school band kid energy, which I really enjoyed. 

He just looks like a deflated chew toy, it cracks me up

Around the end of the set (I think the last song and the encore) I ended up ducking out of the crowd. I bought some merch and a Liquid Death water while the lines were short, and just watched the rest of the show from the back of the venue. I'm not made of the hardiest stuff, I was getting dehydrated and my arthritis was acting up big time haha. I was definitely bringing the old hag vibes to the venue! I did get a keychain of my beloved drummer boy (along with a tour shirt), and after taking a sweaty post-show photo, we headed back to the Eldritch Hotel for midnight Burger King and bed.

The great thing about having a friend who wears all white is that you always look cool in photos together

We did some exploring the next day before heading home, and of course we had to go see the infamous Goth Target. It truly did not disappoint; Chicago has so much stunning architecture, and seeing that kind of molding on the outside of a building was so cool.

Sierra got some Fruits-worthy snaps of me outside of the Target

I can't believe how well that car/the general color scheme matched my outfit, and how sparse foot traffic was in those shots. Stars aligned! My hat, vest, skirt and necklace are handmade by me, my fanny pack is a weird handmade Mercari find (possibly made from an Innocent World tote bag?), jacket is thrifted, top is Deorart and scarf is Blablahospital. I wore my TUK creeper sneakers the whole trip, and my feet are so thankful. To think I almost brought my platform boots!

I love how much our outfits contrasted

We did a bit more wandering, had our Nana moment on the train, stopped for a dog toy for Sierra's darling hound, and got back on the road after filling up on boba tea. It was a total whirlwind of a trip, and I feel like I definitely caught a cold, but I'm so happy I decided to go. The concert was great, but just having an adventure with a friend was so worth it!

I also found out my panel application was approved, and I will officially be a panelist on Saturday at GalaxyCon Columbus! More details to come; I can't promise my panel will be the most exciting one there, but it'll certainly be interesting. I'm looking forward to it!

Review: Kiki Rockwell's "Eldest Daughter of an Eldest Daughter"

Kiki Rockwell makes the music I'd want to make if I had a naturally musical bone in my body. I discovered her shortly before the release of her first album, Rituals on the Bank of a Familiar River, and I was instantly smitten. Her songwriting is a blend of folk music, techno, and ritual chanting that often borders on spoken word poetry, with her lyrics similarly mixing folktales, spells, and fables with feminist rhetoric that gives way to seething rage. The result is something that holds tangible power when played; Rockwell layers track over track when mixing, stacking multiple vocal tracks over each other and occasionally calling in friends and family to chant in choruses over pounding bass drums and violin.

Her music videos are essentially short films; Kiki and the team she works with have a knack for creating stunning narratives in short time spans, and the love she has for fantasy media, movies, and folktales shines in the stories she creates. This album features two music videos, "Syrena" (Track 9) and "Strange Premonition" (Track 2). "Syrena" made me cry, because I'm a sucker for tragic love stories (and especially stories about selkies), but "Strange Premonition" brought me an intense amount of joy. I don't think there's any way to convey how fun this video is without watching it, so I'm going to leave it here for you to enjoy. Watch at your leisure, but I very much encourage you to watch it.

I'm convinced that, had this song and music video come out during the height of Stranger Things popularity, it would rocket Rockwell to immediate mainstream stardom. However, the fact that she released a campy 1980's slasher-themed video years after the hype died highlights the most important thing about Kiki Rockwell's music: she's genuinely having fun, and it shows. Kiki Rockwell is creating music for herself, and if she connects with other weird women who love medieval beasts and want to dance in the woods, all the better.

Eldest Daughter of an Eldest Daughter feels like a culmination of the work Rockwell has been creating since her 2021 EP Bleeding Out in a Forest, but polished and refined. It's a very natural progression, and as always, every song is a joy to listen to. The techno influences on this album that we heard on previous songs like "Madeline" "Cup Runneth Over" and "Harbinger" are dialed up to 11 on Eldest Daughter, but in contrast to previous releases, almost every song on this album is a blend of both electronic and acoustic, instead of favoring on or the other too heavily. "Seven Angels Greet Me in the Carpark" is the most heavily electronic song on the album, but "Strange Premonition" and "Agent 44" also lean heavily in that direction. I don't dislike the more electronic songs (and I absolutely adore "Strange Premonition"), but my favorites on this album ended up being the slow-building tracks with a more ethereal atmosphere.

"Faery King" (Track 3) is a stripped-down song that builds into a frenzy, with delicate violin over a techno bass drum and Rockwell's signature haunting vocals. The lyrics reference old Fae folktales, but also speak to Dianic witchcraft and goddess worship, a common theme in Rockwell's work. It's among my favorites, along with "Malleus Maleficarum,"(Track 4) "Lilith,"(Track 6) "Holy Rage,"(Track 8) and "Dragonrider" (Track 10). "Syrena" (Track 9) is also an absolute standout, a mournful sea shanty that builds into a wave and crashes to shore. Rockwell's vocals soar, crack, and waver over every track in a way that feels refined but wholly organic, something practiced without being calculated. Her passion is palpable in every single note, leading to an album that feels like a beautifully crafted labor of love, the vocal equivalent of illuminated manuscript.

Throughout this album even more than others, Rockwell plays on the idea of sex and sexuality as something ancient and sacred, almost ritualistic. It bears similarity to the ideas present in 2010's feminist sexual liberation, but it leans in a direction that, for better or for worse, presents sex as a weapon to be mastered. Rockwell is not liberated because she is a sexual object, she is a woman attempting to break free from self-objectification by using it to her advantage. It';s the femme fatale trope redone for the modern era, a woman who has read Laura Mulvey but still can't get the omnipresent watcher in her head to quiet down.

This philosophy is present in "Strange Premonition" and "Agent 44," but (seemingly) intentionally absent from "Lilith," which subverts the common mythology that Lilith's only merit (or only sin) was seduction and casting her in a more three-dimensional light. Sexuality is only present in songs where Rockwell has agency, using it as a temptation that leads to the ruin of (mostly) men and as a power wielded over her lovers. However, in her love songs like "Syrena" and last album's "Cup Runneth Over" or "From Persephone," her lyrics are devoid of anything that would objectify her love interest. This makes the mentions of sex in her songs feel all the more ritualistic, haunting, and arcane; free from the connotations of sensuality and softness, Rockwell wields sex and attraction as something jagged and heavy, something with teeth.

I unfortunately was not a fan of her cover of "Satisfaction" (Track 7, originally by Benny and the Biz), but not for any reasons she could help. I just cannot stand that song, and typically, the source material has to be good in order to create a good cover. There are some songs not even a forest wench can save. 

I like to imagine that Kiki Rockwell and I would be fast friends, if I ever had a chance to meet her. I, too, love moss and creatures and Ren faires! I also insist upon spelling "faerie" with an -ie, regardless of the American English spelling! I, too, am the eldest daughter of an only daughter, and understand all the implications of that hallowed title. We could form a coven, make our own clothes, and spend our days in feral bliss hunting for cool rocks and toads. 

Parasocial ramblings aside, I truly do appreciate that Rockwell is willing to put so much of herself into her art; the hardest part of creating anything is putting it out into the world, but she continues to weave her own experiences into the tapestry of favorite movies, books, folklore and fables that make up her albums. I, for one, can't wait to see what she does next.

Outfit: Old School Cornet + New Hair!

 I cut my hair into a mullet yesterday! I've been growing it out from a pixie cut, and wanted to switch it up before I see Jiluka in November. Truthfully, I think I'm just incapable of leaving my hair alone for longer than a few months at a time! 

Oddly enough, having a weird choppy haircut makes me want to wear EGL more than I did with a more "appropriate" EGL-adjacent bob cut! I think it reminds me of early 2000's street snaps and bandgirl photos. I recently got a copy of J-Rock Groupies, and all the great hairstyles and outfits have been super inspiring. I also love that soft (arguably terrible) blurry 2000's camera quality, and have been considering buying a 2000's digital camera on eBay to try to achieve the same effect!

Speaking of arguably terrible camera quality, forgive my iPhone camera for what it has wrought. The front cameras on iPhones are notoriously bad, but on an iPhone over two years old? Abandon all hope. All to say, today is a beautiful Fall day, and I decided to wear lolita for the first time in a few weeks for my in-laws' family get-together.

I used to hate my soft chin, but I've started to love it. It reminds me a lot of my grandma's face!

Coord rundown:

JSK- Cornet (Masculine Regimental Stripe, 2008)

Blouse, headdress, necklace - Baby, The Stars Shine Bright 

Bloomers, socks - Metamorphose Temps de Fille

Earrings - Moi Meme Moitie 

Shoes - Doc Marten "Polley" Mary Janes

I also ended up putting on my ivory BtSSB School Cardigan after taking my outfit photos, because it was chillier than expected outside. 

This necklace is also from 2008, and my blouse is the 2007 release of the "Mary" blouse (which I unfortunately purchased with the necktie missing). Here's a close up of the necklace, since I know it was hard to see in the outfit shots. I got it for a steal, and it's in incredible condition for being 16-year old acrylic jewelry! My friends and I refer to 2008 as sort of a golden age for lolita fashion, so it was fun to put together a mostly 2008-centric coord. 

 

    Listed on Lolibrary as simply "Necklace with Key Motif" from 2008 

Review: Kaori Yuki's Cain Saga

 I first read Godchild when I was probably too young to read Godchild. It's not that I think the series was too violent or explicit for a 10-year old, more that I think I missed a lot of the plot and subtleties by reading it when my brain was still mushy. How did I just now realize that Dr. Disraeli was a hermaphrodite implanted with his sisters' organs?! That seems like a huge thing to miss!

Feeling nostalgic a decade and some change later, I decided to track down and re-read the entire series for nostalgia's sake — including all 4 (previously unread) books of the prequel series, The Cain Saga. 

This will almost certainly contain spoilers, though I don't think anything I've written detracts from any of the twists or the plot itself. This said, if you haven't read one or the other (or both) and want to avoid (fairly vague) spoilers, this is your warning! 

I always knew that Godchild was a sequel/continuation, but I wasn't sure how much that affected it as a stand-alone series. Originally written in 1992, The Cain Saga encompasses four books split across five English-language bound volumes: Forgotten Juliet, The Sound of a Boy Hatching, Kafka, and The Seal of the Red Ram, which is a two-parter. As someone who read Godchild first, as it was more easily accessible, I was always sure I was missing something crucial by not having read The Cain Saga. I was very excited to find all five volumes on Thriftbooks (not sponsored, I just genuinely use them) and while I think it makes for a fantastic prequel, I learned that you really don't need to read it in order to enjoy Godchild.

This is not me saying that any of it is bad. I'm a huge fan of Kaori Yuki's work, and if anything, I think the fact that you don't need to read The Cain Saga to fully appreciate Godchild is a testament to how well the sequel series is written. If you read Godchild first, however, you might be a little thrown off for the following reasons:

1. Lack of character growth

I was expecting The Cain Saga to reveal hidden depths previously unknown to us, to better set up character relationships, or to add context to characters that might have been useful when reading Godchild. In this sense, it fell a little short; Cain's father still despises him just for existing, Cain's half-brother still wants his eyeballs, and Cain is still... Cain. Though I do think Oscar and Riff have really great character arcs that continue into Godchild, and we do learn a bit more about Delilah members like Cassian, I found it hard to feel a ton of emotion for the romantic tragedies that are cited as fueling Cain in Godchild.

A fundamental aspect of Cain's character (and the series in general) is that he often doesn't realize how much he cares for someone until they're taken from him. Love being all the more meaningful after death is a mainstay of the Gothic genre, and we see this trope manifest in other characters throughout the series ("The Tragic Tale of Ms. Pudding" from The Sound of a Boy Hatching and "Mortician's Daughter" from Godchild Volume Three come to mind). It does help establish his personality, especially in Godchild; Suzette, his first cousin (and first love) being resurrected by his father's occult organization is a huge plot point close to the end of the series, playing with Cain's sense of longing for what is lost. 

However, his pining for her falls a little flat upon seeing that their relationship is barely established in The Cain Saga, aside from a flashback to her death. The same happens with his fiancee Emeline, in that Cain spends almost the entirety of The Seal of the Red Ram Part One cheating on her, only to declare his love for her quite literally as soon as she dies. He then immediately falls in love with a resurrected corpse named Meridiana, rinse and repeat for The Seal of the Red Ram Part Two. It almost feels like whiplash. 

In a sense, you could argue that Cain was an abused child who has grown into a traumatized young adult, and really only understands how to experience love through the lens of pain and tragedy. However, the way these relationships are written, with intense romances and deaths back-to-back, makes his emotions feel inauthentic and forced to the reader.

It's hard to find his melodrama believable when he talked about disliking her three pages before this.

2. Interspersing of random short stories

I suspect this was more the fault of Viz Media/Shojo Beat than the author herself, but it makes the story a little harder to follow. Kaori Yuki had previously written a few one-off short stories, and I guess Viz made the choice to add them in when publishing the Cain Saga. The short story "Ellie in Summer Clothes" appears at the end of Kafka,  and most confusingly, the short story/novella  "Double" was inserted right in the middle of Forgotten Juliet, breaking up Cain's story with an unrelated 1980's murder mystery before the final chapter. 

Not only is it slightly jarring to go back and forth, it also doesn't make a ton of sense to me publishing-wise. These bound volumes were translated and released around 2006/2007, with the manga having been out in full since the late 1990's. There was no need to add filler while waiting for the next serial chapters to come out, so I'm confused as to why Viz made the choice to take up extra pages with unrelated shorts. I feel like they could have cut them for space and re-formatted the earlier chapters, so that both parts of The Seal of the Red Ram could be bound in one volume? I'm sure they had their reasons, but it makes for an odd reading experience. 

3. The art and character designs

Godchild feels slightly more whimsical than The Cain Saga, I think in part due to the change in Yuki's art style. Godchild's art leans slightly cutesier and more exaggerated, where The Cain Saga still had the trappings of 1980's semi-realism. You can see this shift near the end chapters of The Seal of the Red Ram Part Two, but even that doesn't compare to Godchild Volume One. The men are leaner, lither bishounen caricatures of their earlier counterparts; Dr. Disraeli's hair constantly in motion, Cain's impossibly long limbs draped over couches and leaning on doorframes. The shading is darker, with more flat black coloring and a less liberal use of "sketchy" shading and grayscale. 

Cain in Forgotten Juliet versus in Volume One of Godchild 

Yuki writes in a few Godchild afterwords about being inspired by Gothic Lolita fashion and Japanese subcultural clothing brands like BATSU CLUB, and these influences shine throughout the series (notably on the splash pages). Mary Weather wears all sorts of ruffled dresses and flat rectangle headpieces reminiscent of early Innocent World (including the cutest Hospitality Doll-adjacent nurse outfit), while characters like Mikaila (Volume Four) and Marjorie (Volume Three) wear dresses that look heavily inspired by Atelier Boz. Mikaila even has a tiny Metamorphose/La Luice bunny pochette on her basket of venomous spiders!

La Luice's 2003 bunny pochette versus Mikaila's basket charm

In contrast, The Cain Saga looks a little less stylized and polished. The hairstyles and clothes lean more towards being period-accurate to the Victorian era, with a lot less pop cultural influence. The backgrounds and panels make more use of white space and hand-shading, and pages sometimes feel cramped or over-filled due to a lack of clean lines or black space. The Cain Saga seems inspired by the manga The Rose of Versailles, while Godchild feels more inspired by the band Versailles.

If you're a devoted Godchild fan, I don't think there's any downside to reading The Cain Saga. It isn't crucial to understanding the sequel series, but it's fun to see what started it all! Story-wise, it's also interesting to see how the Delilah organization starts, and the sacrifices (figurative and very, very literal) the members make in support of their cause.

I'm thinking I might do another post next week of the various EGL-adjacent outfits drawn in Godchild, and maybe a coordinate inspired by one of them! This is my first serious foray into blogging, so I'm eager to get some posts up and running.